The Bright Side. #PlagueSongs, no. 3

4 CommentsApocalypse, Autobiography, COVID19, Death, Hope, Mixes, Mom, Monty Python, Music, Pandemic, Plague Songs, , , , , , , , , ,

This week’s #PlagueSong is dedicated to my mother, Gloria Hardman. This is her favorite song, her motto, and very good advice.

The song is funnier when sung as Eric Idle’s “Mr. Cheeky” character (as it is in The Life of Brian). I suspect the song’s mixture of irony and sincerity is one reason it resonates with my mother, with me, and with so many others. Dark humor leavens its “Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive” optimism and makes that optimism somehow more plausible.

That said, in my performance (such as it is), I lean more into the song’s sincerity. When my mother sings it these days, she too draws more on its hopefulness than its irony. Indeed, she really only recalls the chorus.

Edward Lear, “The Owl and the Pussycat”
(from Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and Alphabets, 1871)

Poetry she heard as a child (Lear’s “The Owl and the Pussycat,” Carroll’s “Jabberwocky”) and some songs – from her childhood, my childhood, and the life she lived in between – are most likely to elicit a spark of recognition. So, when I visited her earlier this month (during the week of Spring Break), I signed her up for Spotify, and made her a playlist of songs she still “knows” – evident via a reference either to just the chorus, or to some other lyric.

For example, when I’m about to take her for a walk, I’ll say, “Let’s grab your coat, and get your hat.” She replies, “Leave your worries on the doorstep.” Then we sing a bit of “On the Sunny Side of the Street.” But Mom knows the lyrics to “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” the best: during my last visit, after we had sung it a few times together, she managed a rendition unaccompanied.

I chose “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” because it’s her favorite, because I don’t know when I will see her again, and because I wanted her to have a recording of me singing this song to her. At any time, one of the good healthcare workers at the “Memory Care” facility where she lives can pull up this YouTube video and press play. Though Mom once programmed computers and taught students and faculty how to use theirs, she cannot now operate the computer in her room. For that matter, she cannot find it.

Gloria Hardman and her son, Philip Nel. Concord, Mass. 9 March 2020.
Mom and me. Concord, Mass., USA. 9 March 2020.

Shortly after my visit began earlier this month, The Commons – the Massachusetts retirement community where she lives – went into lockdown. I could continue visiting only because I was staying in a guest room on site. As of March 10, everything was cancelled: all family visits, all trips off campus, all events, all tours (for prospective residents and prospective employees). Since I left on March 13, no other family member has been allowed in to The Commons. Mom and I still chat via Skype at least once a week – I have set up my computer to mirror hers so that I can answer the Skype on her end. But, like many people with elderly relatives, I do not know when I will be able to visit again.

That is one reason I say “I don’t know when I will see her again.” Another reason is that she is receding further into the fog of Alzheimer’s. During this visit, she recognized me about 80% of the time. Will she know me when next I see her? Possibly. Possibly not.

Although I could write other, darker paragraphs on the subject of “I don’t know when I will see her again,” context already implies these paragraphs and so they can remain, for now, implicit.

More important is that she is and has been The World’s Greatest Mother. Truly, when it comes to mothers, my sister Linda and I won the lottery. (Yes, exactly – who knew there was a Mother Lottery? We don’t even remember buying a ticket! And yet, here we are. Remarkable.) Most important of all, Mom knows we love her, we know she loves us, and her love is with us even when she is not.

And so. We look on the bright side of life. We also look on the bright side of death – as per the song’s third verse…. And we sing songs via Skype.

Will you sing this one with us?

If you’re interested in performing a #PlagueSong, but lack ideas for which one, I invite you to check out this ever-expanding playlist!

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4 Comments

  1. Charles Hatfield

    Reply

    Thanks for the song and the context and the (complex, thoughtful) sentiments, Phil. Much love and many good thoughts to you and Gloria and everyone in your circle of care.

  3. David Hirsch

    Reply

    Thanks for sharing these personal stories with the world, Phil. I worked closely with your mom during her Yale years, and although it’s been years since we were last in touch, I woke up this morning wondering how she was doing, and some Googling brought me here. I’m sorry to learn about her condition, and wish both of you the best as we head into some more dark days on cusp of the COVID second wave. I remember losing my grandmother to an Alzheimer-like illness, and your description of gradually thickening fog is totally on-target. But even as things fade into obscurity there is still love and some light: check out Yuri Norstein’s “Hedgehog in the Fog” cartoon from the ’70s if you haven’t already seen it.

    • Philip Nel

      Reply

      Thanks, David. I passed on your greetings to Gloria on our Sunday morning Skype today. She was a bit spacier / sleepier (and she often is in the mornings), but she did say “He was a nice man,” and asked how she knew you. I said Yale, computers. But that’s as far as we got.

      Thanks for the recommendation, too. I see that it’s on YouTube. Will check it out!

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